Let’s hear it for Troy Crossley! The first two-time winner of #DoucheBagOfTheDay !!
Many of you are wise enough to spare your sanity and avoid the descent into madness that is the #FreeJahar hashtag on twitter. For the uninitiated, it’s basically an unsupervised version of the the 1D Store if the One Direction store also catered to pre-teens with pre-adolescent mass murderer fetishes and not just a hankering for banal tween pop.
While the clientele holds Justin Beiber and Harry Styles at the very center of their hearts, nothing glazes their donut like a new Boston Marathon photoshop. Stocking these shelves in a misguided effort to give these children renewed hope of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s innocence is a diminutive unsigned Chelsea based rapper named Troy Crossley.
Troy Crossley’s wares matter not to the true Belibers. They’ll buy up anything his disjointed defense of his acquaintance has to offer. Though they claim to question everything, are convinced the media is a portal of lies, think that only actors were hurt in the “staged bombing”, and ultimately that the Tsarnaev’s were patsies, they fail to challenge their source. They’ll willingly lap up any “evidence” Crossley presents regardless of how often it has been debunked. A true Alex Jonesian peddler of confirmation bias. But really, aren’t the pictures of “Jahar” enough? He’s “too cute” to be guilty.
Within the span of minutes it is not unlikely for Crossley to unveil contradictory arguments. For instance, no sooner will he release a video of himself saying that Dzhokhar Tsarnaev is only guilty of destruction of property that he’ll update another post claiming that the Tsarnaev brothers weren’t even at the marathon. He’ll claim that the victims are paid FEMA “crisis actors” and then claim that there was a real bombing but that the FBI perpetrated it using Craft initiatives. Curiously, the one piece of evidence that his following would go gaga over Troy has yet to produce. A picture of himself with Dzhokhar.
Most recently, Troy Crossley has taken to organizing a “Rally For Jahar”, threatening president Barack Obama, and cursing his “haters”. We have long suspected that Troy Crossley is not only using his defense of Dzhokhar to drive traffic to his mixtape site, but also as a way to connect with young and impressionable females.
Yesterday, he went so far as to prove that by offering his hotel room to several young women on Facebook. A generous offer, considering the average room in Boston runs around $285. It’s going to take many hours of babysitting for most of these teenage girls to afford that. Too bad for them there’s an undersized hip hopper in a wife beater with a manicured beard to be their benefactor.
So, unless the Secret Service hauls Troy Crossley in for his threat of coming after the President with his posse of Lilliputians, the “Rally For Jahar” is set for May 30th. Curiously, this is also the same day as the Boston Strong benefit concert at TD Bank Garden. A day where not only will the city by full of its usually cadre of proud Bostonians, but also 30,000+ fans geared up for a concert in honor of the victims’ memories. Just down the road, Troy Crossley intends to lead himself, several other perverts from #FreeJahar, and a middle-school classroom worth of young girls into harms way.
Obviously, there will be an overwhelming counter-protest to this if any plans do come to fruition. With any luck, the Boston Police Department will take down this douchebag long before the calendar turns to the 30th. If he isn’t, we implore any young person intendant upon meeting up with Mr. Crossley to alert a parental figure first. Lastly, never share a hotel with a stranger, and be mindful and respectful of the people and city that you’re in when and if you protest.
Oh, and Troy…about that 15-minutes. If your goal was to spread the word that you’re a self-promoting douchebag who chases ambulances to raise the number of plays you have on your mixtape site by rubberneckers while also gaining retweets and Facebook likes. Mission Accomplished. If your intent was to parlay this into a burgeoning rap career that will showcase your “truth-seeking” to the masses. Welp, you’ve failed miserably. Expect that tour dates section on your website to read “No Dates Booked” indefinitely. Go like that on Facebook.
If you’d like to read about Troy Crossley’s first douchebag of the day award and why he may even be a suspect it can be found here:
EDIT 1: In case you had any doubts about #FreeJahar’s collective intellect and deductive reasoning http://imgur.com/c4154Ae.jpg
EDIT 2: Troy Crossley gets pantsed http://imgur.com/AabUzZy.jpg